I was 15 years old
when I became a Satanist. Today I’m 29. 15 was a lifetime ago. My
concept of Satan and God back then was so different from what it is now.
At 15 we really do think we know so much, but lock a man in a box for a
few years alone, let him get to know himself, let him grow and look again
at the world, and what he sees is a world very, very different from the
one he perceived at 15.
You know, I had The Satanic Bible practically memorized when I was 16.
I’d read that book easily a hundred times. But I didn’t understand why
Anton LaVey wrote some of the things he did. I didn’t really comprehend
Anton’s ideology, his image of Satan or the devil. That also took years.
Back then I saw Satan as a friend to humanity. But that was based on my
concept of God, so I guess there is where I need to start. I knew God was
the Creator, but the image I had of Him was like some adult. Some
authority figure supreme. What did adults do? They made me obey and serve
them. They made me clean the house, mow the lawn, fix their drinks, and it
was always when they said so, no matter what I was doing at the moment.
I’d be watching T.V. in my room, and my dad would holler at me. I’d
come to the living room and he’d be sitting in his recliner with his
feet up, an empty cup in his hand. "Fix me another drink,"
he’d say, handing me the glass. He worked all day, so when he got home I
served him. I was just a kid after all. What did it matter if I had been
at school all day and had football practice and done homework. What did it
matter if I was missing some "stupid movie." Of course when I
obeyed I was praised. When I did my chores I was given money. That was
authority to me. That was God to me.
