Satan Wants Stimulus Money Too: Needs to Repave the Highway to Hell

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Knowing the incompetence of China Joe Biden, I would not be surprised if they pushed it through! After all, he did sign a stack of Executive Orders with BLANK PAGES!

This following by the Babylon Bee is SATIRE, to a certain extent. The road, or Highway to Hell, is REALITY and not satire or funny. Millions of good people die each year and wind up there. Yes, good people go to Hell because they have rejected Jesus Christ as Savior, or the have been deceived by Religion and Religious activity! 

Please note that all of the links and scripture quotes are mine.

Devil Requests Stimulus Funds To Widen The Road To Hell To Meet Increased Demand  By The Babylon Bee

HELLSatan, ruler of demons, upon hearing that stimulus funds are being given out freely to struggling individuals, businesses, and foreign countries, has sought to acquire some stimulus for himself. He realized that with these funds he could finally get around to expanding the path to Hell, and meet the rising demand.

Highway to Hell? Heavy Metal Christian Rock is a Misnomer


“Does the bill truly say that stimulus funds cannot go towards Hell?” hissed the Devil. “I don’t see why that money can’t go to Hell! Besides this road isn’t going to pave itself.”

Actually the road to Hell did pave itself when Original Sin came to be in the Garden of Eden. The Road and gate to Hell are WIDE, and the road and gate to Heaven is Narrow!

Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: 14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”

“We’ve seen quite a lot of growth here recently,” said a man being endlessly tortured in the flames. “We’re really not sure that these numbers are sustainable. Just the other day we had so many people coming through the gate at once that it caused a huge jam and took hours to fix.”

“Also, you wouldn’t happen to have a single drop of water, would you?”  (Luke 16:19–31)

1st Timothy 4:1-3 “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; 2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; 3 Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.”

According to the most recent Hell metrics, there has been an unprecedented and concerning rise in the number of people arriving at the gates of Hell. Many believe this uptick could be linked to the rise in popularity, and acceptance of things like Netflix’s movie Cuties, laughing at the idea of God’s existence, and Twitter’s refusal to remove child porn

“Yeah, these past few years have been more than I could’ve ever expected,” said the Devil welling up with tears. “We’ve just come so far, and grown so much. Now with these extra funds, we can afford the extra demon power we need to expand the way here. It will be like 10 Sodom and Gomorrah’s every day.”

Satan went on to thank his hardest working demons for paving the roads of racism, greed, and jealousy, and for their tireless hours spent constructing lies about sexuality. 

The Kingdom of Darkness is Flourishing: Manifesting in Willing Vessels Like Never Before!

If you go to the store to buy Meat, don't run to the Milk section or the Junk Food aisle looking for it!!

The Meat Section is the True Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Milk Section is likened to those who will not preach on sin and Hell, just a feel good message, the Social gospel.

The Junk Food Isle is the outright false doctrine AKA the prosperity gospel, name it and claim it, the Hebraic Roots movement and other false teachings!!

Feasting on just Milk and Junk will eventually cause you great harm, you can count on it!!
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